When Your Child Refuses To Follow Your Instructions
What To Do When Your Child Is Not Listening And Following Directions
ACHIEVE MAXIMUM SUCCESS WHEN YOU TRY THIS WITH YOUR CHILD
There are days where everything you say to your child goes in-to the right ear, then out through the left.
How do you make sure your child has heard your instruction and will follow through as you expect?
If it is a little/younger child, go down/bend down so you meet their eyes or are on the same level with them then give your instruction for example:
Parent: Put the book on the shelf Please!
Child: Expected response from child will be “ok please/ok mummy/daddy/etc
Parent: What did I say?
Child: “Put the book on the shelf”
Parent: Great! Let’s get to it.
With the toddler/child you can help the child by beginning with the task so that the child knows what exactly is expected, then leave the child to finish it off. If you think your child is getting distracted by going off to play with something else instead of following through with the task, then you can ask if they are done or how it is going and keep repeating your instructions nicely and calmly until the task is complete. There are times you will have to remove the distracting items so the child can focus on the present task that needs to be completed.
If you have an older child then the instruction will be something like this or similar:
The parent/adult will have to make sure that the youth is hearing or looking and will respond. If you are the type of parent/adult that wants eye contact so as to confirm that the child can hear you, then mention the child’s name and have them look at you or wait until they look at you before you give your instruction. Example:
Parent: Derick! Put the book on the shelf Please!
Child: Expected response from youth will be “ok please/ok mummy/daddy/etc
If you do not get a response, give the instruction again.
Parent: Put the book on the shelf Please! Did you hear me? or What did I say?
Expected answer or something similar:
Child: “You said I should put the book on the shelf”
Parent: Great! Let’s get to it…and kindly let me know when you are done please. Thanks
If you think the task is taking longer than expected then you should be checking in regularly with your child by saying something like
Parent: I see it’s taking you a bit longer to finish… this task should be finished in about 15-20 minutes or how long do you think it’s going to take you to finish 15 or 20 minutes?
Child: 20 (possibly in a grumpy voice…you just have to say ok or sounds like a plan… will check in in 20 minutes or set the alarm or have them check the time or be counting down for them. Example: 10 minutes more, 5 more, 2 more, 1 more, etc.
Parent must do the time suggestion to put limits and avoid an unexpectedly outrageous suggestion from your child that could lead you to be unhappy/upset.
By checking in with them and counting down 5 more minutes, 3 more minutes, etc, means you are giving them a tool to be successful at completing the task.
BUT if you just give the instruction and do not do any follow up and expect your child with a home full of toys, phones, ipads, or tablets to follow through the task and complete it successfully then you are just setting them up to fail.
The not following through with task does not mean the child might have a hearing problem or is stubborn and does not listen to you (that is if the child does not have a hearing problem). It just means that they are interested in doing something that is much more fun than the task you are asking them to complete. This is the reason why you need to keep reminding and encouraging whilst staying calm.
There are circumstances where you do not need to remind or prompt. The child becomes their own self motivator in completing tasks. I will write about that in one of my blog posts so in order not to miss any tips… keep visiting www.afamilylifecoach.com or call us at 1-951-8-9336 for more.
